April 28, 2021
The Story of the White Deer ~
Some time last March, my husband was meditating out behind our yard into an open field that had recently been cleared for future commercial construction. He came home bewildered by what he had seen. Two white deer passing through. He took a picture.
(white deer sighting 3/2020)
Tuned into animals and trusting in their symbology we googled the meaning of a ‘white deer.’
We read that it could either be a positive boon from the Mother or a warning of death/destruction/transitioning/end of the world.
Our curiosity flamed, we reached out to our friend Julie, who had spent time with a shaman and asked her, hoping she would say it was a blessing of some kind. But she looked at us like “Oh- oh my… not a good sign.”
And so it was to be.
The next week Covid hit around the globe. We attributed our sighting of the white deer as a foreshadowing, holding each other and our beloved world in a protective hug. We were well aware of the increasing fear/impending death hovering at every turn over the next months and following.
And in our own quiet and safe little home, things began to fall apart as well. I remember feeling so grateful that we had our home, that our daughters were back with us and safe, that we had access to clean food and I could meditate and chant for peace. But the white deer had more to say about our living situation and what was to be.
It began with five consecutive major roof leaks in our home. Trying to figure out what the problem was we broke three foot holes in the ceilings and walls. If you were to visit us, it looked like we had been hit hard.
Unable to get professional help due to Covid, we tried to fix the problem ourselves but to no avail. More buckets were placed everywhere with dripping water and wet towels on the ground.
Then my husband found out he had Lyme disease again (3rd time) most likely from his meditations right outside our grounds.
We discovered termites just outside our home and had to get help for that… just in time.
We lost power during one of the reckless lightening windstorms.
We watched our two regal trees get struck by lightening one evening over dinner. After the awesome strike, we sadly witnessed their inevitable wind fall to the ground.
I know what you are thinking and no, you can’t make this stuff up!
In response, we would communally discuss the mother’s warning and the white deer.
Everything we knew to be safe and secure was breaking apart, breaking down.
And for the world, the Covid deaths, everything once so familiar now surreal as if submerged in a nightmare.
Yet we were awake, to know that there was a message, some real form of Grace. For we do not believe in a random, uncaring reality.
The mother has a reason. She is intelligent and knowing.
And now about a year later, we have sighted another white deer… coming home to:
A major sewage breakdown.
Sewage in the basement. Sewage stench everywhere on the first night of Passover.
No use of water, shower, flushing of toilets etc.
Preferable visits to local vendors for solid eliminations for almost a week (sorry).
Roto Rooter digs up our whole yard eight feet down.
(roto rooter to the rescue 4/2021)
We hear you Mother
No home is permanent
Everything must change
Change for the sake of our growth
Both collective and personal
A newfound perspective
Nurturing inner freedom at all costs
Self-reliability and simplicity of expression born
For family bonding infusion
Re-appreciation and respect for Mother Nature
Animal, Friend and Tree tending
More for the sake of
To fan the flame of LOVE ~
(This painting is called ‘Messengers’. It is painted by our Christopher prior to the Philadelphia Academy of Fine Arts ASE Exhibitions 8/2020).
We can always find light
No matter how dark things get
She hides behind the illusion
A Covid Morning Wish ~
Wherever you may be, on
Whatever temporary grounds you trail
I send you
One kiss of acknowledgement
One kiss to let you know
I know you are here
One kiss to say I am holding your dreams
I see who you are
That I value you
and that in this moment
The peace is so quiet
that i am
the quiet so still
in my own space
A Fresh Perspective ~
as fleeting as a yawn
as if it were today
A promise with limits
sometimes chains attached
So if you say, ‘Hey, what’s happening?’I will say, ‘Well this is what happened yesterday.’
What if I say, ‘What’s happening is right now with you’
Would we still be walking bodies of pain?
Sadness cannot last
just like happiness, it is not meant to
But it sure feels like it is supposed to
like it’s a characterisitc
a personality trait
What a trick!
I follow the gaze of my eyes
and see how it changes
Whatever is in front of me…
that is my new reality
Then turn the head and watch how it disappears
Look, now something different!
No view exactly like the other
even if in turning back to look again…
something is not exactly the same
Emotions can be experienced this way
like a chain link in our DNA
like they will never go away
in the turning of our head
letting it all
dangles from the rope of life
held by burnt branches
on a rooting tree
Here a rest stop for the ever roaming
Just a few birds eating from its nutty feed
is all it needs
Right now the air hangs still
the feed is empty
and the little birdhouse barely breathes
I ask you…
If the whole world is the green house
does that make me its timely visitor?
To be this quiet
is to hold the world up
in a soundless grasp
For I am not the passerby
nor the ephemeral guest
I am the rope
the dangling rope
Much About Nothing ~
I’m making room for nothing on my plate
I get to fill in all this space
take it in
thinking like nothing
becoming part of the mystery again
How can this nothing be so filling…
For I have already eaten
all the letters in this alphabet game
Worded many together
engaged, contrived, created
With just a few
soggy letters remaining
and with belly full
this mouth is not eating
Yeah, I’m switching breakfast bowls
and choosing nothing this morning
the sun’s rising
What is it about music that lifts our spirits?
We all have this involuntary response to sound
Our bodies move in rhyme to the subtle frequencies before
our minds even know we are doing it
What is it about the song?
The song is born from the unwritten symphony
A melody is heard with linear intention
i.e. a beginning, a middle and ending
Coupled with words that carry a special vibration
or tell a human story
Like an instrument setting its own notes free
the song attunes us to that harmonic place within
Billowing as a whisper hovers along liquid ocean winds
Body, heart and mind softly co-conspire
to dance together again
And no matter how many sing the same song
the song touches us intimately
as if it were ours alone to behold
And when we enter this space of sound together
we rise into Infinity ~
Morning Meditation ~
This morning I sit
with the gift of space
resting on my empty lap
True from the Un-True
And this illusion of life
a paper dollhouse
mostly when we are seen
So quickly do we fall back
into what might have been
This presence called Silence
speaks of nothing
Whether today or tomorrow
or what we think we may believe
make of it ~
Why do we feel so small
when we are
a part of it all?
Red cardinal taking seed
from that generous bird feed
While furry black paws
slide on granular wooden flooring
and the buzz of that wild bee
sipping sweet nectar from
our flowering lavender lilac tree
All a part of one ‘grander scheme’
making what appears different
seem so separate
Once we see ourselves in everything
stories are really stories
Movement in action constantly turning
like the growing ground beneath baby feet
One pulsing masterpiece ~
On The Subject of Matter ~
There’s a silence that waits
Not today not tomorrow just now
A flickering view of the void that holds all matter
How contradictory this word ‘matter’
Matter signifying the physically seen and always changing
All things of matter have a predetermined estimated life span
In this illusion of choice and free will
It astounds me why we as creators do not get to make
call between our life in death
Well maybe some can
but over all …
This is how I know there is a grand orchestrator
fating what will matter most to us …
Whether we, our loved ones, people we never knew
but feel related to
Whether we get to live or we get to die and how we die
for humans do fall perfectly in the category of matter
And speaking for myself
this kind of matter
The Body As Divinity ~
What is our relationship to our physical body?
How are we in relationship with it right now?
Are we responding in a resistant way if it is not integrating with us on the rise to a more spiritual, more subtle state of Being?
If all is Divine than is not the body and its denser make up also Divine?
And if our body is Divine, can we be gentler, less demanding/critical… can we be more accepting and even forgiving in our judgements about how we might prefer our body to look like or behave for us?
What happens when there are absolutely no more challenges/longings in this physical life?
Are we not here to grow in Godliness?
And how is that supposed to look like? …
Have we a definitive idea/decision as to how we will look and feel when purely Divine?
Can we be gentler with ourselves, more forgiving and patient as we would to another person we care deeply for?
The body is needy; this we know.
It is the nature of the body to be needy.
The body keeps us here on the physical earth plane.
This we know.
Are we now being asked by our physical body to reflect/alter our daily routine in some way?
Instead of allowing the physical struggle/rebellion to drag us down/stalemate us we might try rising awareness in acceptance/change and even Love/Integration?
If all is Divine than integration takes its perfectly needed time.
Who or what is the Divine teacher here?
And is the teacher timely?
Shri Guru Bhyo Namaha
I honor the teacher that points the soul home to liberation.
Mostly sun bright and ebony polka dotted
Sometimes black with orange and blue spotting
she wants us to notice
We hit pause
Her whispery moves
skirting open landscapes
from the burden of believing
that a worrisome mind
is a prerequisite
From here to there and over there again
she ripples by
Carefree as the wind that
makes flight possible
Today is always fading
already in the making
But to the butterfly
one day can be a lifetime
What could be more worthy than that?
Springing Up ~
Change is screaming ‘I’m here!’
Oh how we have impatiently waited…
It’s a feeling like when I was 8 years old
and couldn’t wait to be a teenager!
This belated spring will be received like
a homecoming queen….like a messiah!
Even the cardinals are calling out for color!
Mind Out Of Matter ~
When you look into the glass
of a telescope and see
Billions of stars clustered in just a part of one Galaxy
You know there is no such thing as
Heaven up in the sky
For who can wrap their minds around
the sight of a million stars
When there are millions upon billions of galaxies more?
I say Heaven is here
It just depends on what you are looking for ~
This is a Mother’s Day message to all those Who:
Have loved someone as much as they can love themselves
Have given up their free time to offer help or a hug
Have looked deeply into the eyes of a stranger and understood
Continue to dance outdoors under the white of the moon
Find humor in being called weird or different
Love the wildness in nature
Expect the unexpected
Dare to question linear time
Secretly covet their inner beauty
Bear the gift of Life through throbbing labor pains
Bare the gift of birthing something new
Baring that which repeatedly whispers to them into the early dawn
Urging them onward to be a part of creation in some special way …
On this Mother’s Day I honor ALL of you!
A series of passing
One by one
Who can say where the journey
Bent head towards momentous tides
I await my reckoning
For what have I done to receive such
Who have I kissed with such a
Tenderness as to turn these
into my sweet companions?
I cannot say
For I am ashore on lofty beaches
Imploring the lonely
To dance with the broken hearts of tyranny
Lifted arms wide to blackened skies
Certain as coming daylight
Is yesterday’s meal
A table of bounty
Ode to Mom (who just passed peacefully) ~
Do not wait for me
for I am not found
in the waiting
If you look into a baby’s eyes
there I will be
Or into the maze of fear
there too am I
Why ponder what drives the sun’s rising
Or the snake
hidden beneath musty grass?
Take the hand of a stranger
If you dare
for time stands to remember
the moments we are not dreaming
of lasting love
but rather living it
If you can look
Into the heart of a stranger
you might see me
staring right back at you
To love is to watch the dreaded
Grim Reaper die a second death
For you are as to me
as I am to you
A melting snowflake morning here. A February chill in my bones and yet this cheeky sun taunts me to step out as if the day were warm to the skin. My dog Buddy suntanning by the light of the window… Not to be this month. And yet I still go.
Winter, Still ~
Rising on the promise of dawn
Chanting ‘Live this day!’
For the air craves your presence
And the clouds in the sky
Await to kiss your morning face
Everything has its value
Simply in being seen
And the barren ash tree
Misplaced among regal evergreens
Bares no shame
For her exterior poverty
Belies a wealth jeweling within
So come out into the cooler climate
Let the chill of the wind
Chafe your exterior
As you affirm your thicker garments
With brazen intention
Light up a new longing!
Waking up to soft powdery whites
dusting dark greens with
definition and wonder
Slows down the mind
until there is nothing more useful to do
and really nowhere to be
How we run from place to place
as if our future depended on it!
Sweeter to be in the moment
invisible as these sugar covered leaves
really this sweet
Settling into what is real
beyond edges and differences
Inside changing minutes
where time and space
do not agree
I turn towards
the mirage of my beliefs
stripping away all detail
like what makes you ‘you’ and me ‘me’
The ins and outs
the roles we play
like seasonal clothes we need to wear
And if I sit here longer
Will I turn cold?
The color of my hair silvery grey?
The quality of my smile?
The friends that I hold so dear?
If I slow it all down
All Things Round ~
A silvery hum out there
The light reflecting
an egg like image of full moons and diamonds
I am the golden yolk
When will this darn shell crack open?
Ever Green ~
Watching the evergreens counter
Bowing to audible winds
Their branches graceful and strong
Puts one in a rhythmic trance
Moving this way and that
One ripple breeze sounding then hazing the next standing tall
Reminds me of the stadium fan wave
If these trees could only cheer
I would die to hear this wooded song
Now a hit then back to neutral
Okay turning trees
I see you changing and I will follow
You can take
My barefoot days
As playful waves
Tumble me over and over
I swallow my giggles
Face in the sand
And those over heated hikes
Walking for miles and miles
Until the waning sun, even she got thirsty
Body beaten yet so alive…
You can have them too
And those sweet, sweet last minute
Drives to meet friends and loved ones
To sit outside and laugh together
Or release a much needed cry
So late into the brightly lit nights
These, you can have too
For Autumn is most beautiful
Watching dying leaves
Change and color
Color and change
From green to golden
And burgundy and orange
I kiss my summer best behind
As I honor your glorious transformation ~
Reality Check ~
I fractured my left foot
because in my restless sleep
I couldn’t accept the truth
My mind insisted it knew better
Disharmony was not an option for me
And in that denial
I didn’t see
the falling stairs
A broken limb
That slowed me down
So much for catching up
And humorously letting go
you showed me
who runs this pony show
Dammaged and layed up
as the right people suddenly appeared and
all those must errands completed
A loving harmony returned to the home
Really… Does everything happen despite me?
Grace is such a master teacher ~
I’m holding a heart as full as the world
And it holds you in it!
To all of you who have:
Gifted me your smile
or hurt my feelings
Held me to my truth
and shared a treasured piece of yours
Loved me exactly as I am today
or turned away
Told me that I meant something to you
or spoke ill of me when I didn’t see
Shared a word that lit up my heart
or pressed my vulnerable button
and triggered a waterway of broken tears
Led me deeper into that vast quiet space
or spun my mind around a roundless rat race
I am holding you in my heart
This message is for you!
YOU are my teachers
YOU are my inspirations
My heart is brimming because of you <3